The sky is getting brighter now and there is a bit of a moon still visible!!!
this is going to be a hard one to write and so the reason i am writing this post on Sunday!! But i am ready for it now. Saturday is my day to go to church and as usual i take my favorite pew in front of my favorite people who are eighty ears old! I gave Jeff a Mothers Day reading from Holy Experience--what a wonderful writer she is! Potlluck was after the sermon which i chose not to stay after getting two invitations to stay. One of them was because Brian wanted me to meet someone. I am sorry i was not interested so i opted to stay home and feel sorry for myself.
And decided to go for a drive down by the lake by myself---- then down to the park in another part of town. LOOK AT THE VIEW...what more could a person ask for!! except it was by myself---you can tell what i am getting at here! right!? But let me show you the view first...
I listen to Oprah all the time and still i was feeling alone, there is no one in the whole world who loves me, i am without male companionship, or the company of my children, or church friends, i do not want to ever go to work again ......
BUT there is this lady on there that says GET OUT OF THIS STATE I AM IN and tell the truth of how i am feeling and change it instantly!!!! do you see this paper bag here with all the writing, it is my notes from this lady......Iyanla Yanzant.....A&W bag.......i will give you my notes and see if you can make sense out of them-smile-
- did you know that right where i am God is?
- Tell the absolute truth who I am in relation to.......... a.who I am, b. what do I want c. what am i willing to do d. stop in my tracks
- state the facts and tell the truth....say it simple without going on and on which means i am addicted to my lonliness etc
- ask God for what i want but be willing to get a no answer
- GET A VISION- what do i want, what does it look like,
- what do i have to offer other people---do to others what i would want them to do to me
WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY???
why am i a lonely person? was i told as a child that i was loved and in what way? was it a positive way? by my father or mother....
do you have a parent? are you missing a parent?
have i forgiven my parents for them doing the best they knew how, have i asked forgiveness of my children for not being the best parent to them but being the best i knew how.
I am responsible for the energy i bring into a room (because when my boss comes to work he looks at everyone else. his eyes do not look at me to say good morning, it is complete avoidance. even thruout the day because i am a silent person. that bothers me also i want to be talkative and smile and be happy..)
My cup is full and whatever is left over is for you. When I sacrifice for others I make them a thief. i have to be selfful and live for myself so that i can be full and live for others
who would i be without my sad story??